Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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