I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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