You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're a waste of cheezeits
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
