Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
COCAINE IS GR8
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
