She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
