it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
