Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
