i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
