O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
