I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
