Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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