Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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