WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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