Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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