why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
