shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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