i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
His hands were made for my vagina.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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