were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize