it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
