Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
