Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
