So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
