if i died would you start the facebook group?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Congratulations! We have a period
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
