yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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