Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
