Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
