There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have fence marks all over my body
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
