Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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