I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
