idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
