Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
