so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
