ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
