I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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