So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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