Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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