You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
