you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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