That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
