so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
