If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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