Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
