I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
