did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
