Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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