We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
