i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
