whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
