So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
