She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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