I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
