you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
