OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
