Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
