I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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