Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
