also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
only if we run a train.
done.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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