he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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